We live in a very connected society, using zoom, mobile, email and a multitude of apps to share our lives and interact with others. But there are lots of surveys and articles stating that loneliness and isolation is increasing.
Most people experience loneliness at some point in their lives. It may happen as a result of life circumstances such as relocation, change of job, relationship breakdown, or bereavement. There are also less obvious examples such as feelings of loneliness within an existing relationship, becoming a New parent who chooses to stay-at-home, or through work (not feeling part of a team, or being bullied).
A person affected by loneliness can experience a strong sense of emptiness and being alone. Loneliness can also include a feeling of being unwanted and unimportant. It can eat away at our self-esteem, confidence and self-worth, causing us to feel anxious and depressed about who we are and where we fit in society. It can also be a symptom of losing a connection with ‘ourselves’. People who experience chronic loneliness can have difficulty forming strong inter-personal relationships.
In contrast, solitude, or being alone is very different from feeling lonely or isolated. People can choose to be alone at points in our lives, to meditate, contemplate and relax. It demonstrates full maturity, being comfortable with their own company, and demonstrates a healthy relationship with self.
But lonely people don’t like being alone, they regard it as evidence that they are unloved and unwanted. Those who experiences loneliness have a sense of being alone even if they have people all around them. Their loneliness comes from an inability to connect with those around them.
This disconnection could stem from a lack of emotional support during development stages in our lives, creating a feeling that nobody will understand or support us. The result of this could be an individual who lacks confidence, has a reluctance to change or too scared to try new things for fear of social rejection. Another source could be from an experience of exclusion during childhood or early adulthood, or experiencing bullying which lead to isolation and feeling that something is wrong with them. A person can be left with a sense of being different and not belonging.
Counselling and Loneliness: It can be difficult to admit that we are lonely, as we may see it as a failing. Working with a counsellor, you can explore how your feelings of loneliness have developed and how they make you feel. Loneliness doesn’t have to be a negative or permanent state. Instead, it should be looked as an indicator that important needs are not being met. In counselling these needs can be identified, problems can be explored and understood. We can look at ways to stop judging yourself, and boost your self-esteem and self-worth, so you can become more confident, happy, and learn to be your own best friend. We can explore what feeling connected means to you, linked to your values, ideas and interests. We can then look at ways for you to reconnect with yourself and others, and to make meaningful connections.